April 28, 2015

The House Centipede


All the writing during exams has exacerbated my repetitive strain injury. I wanted to draw a house centipede, but I don't want to hold anything remotely pencil-like for the next month, so here's a microscopy photo that I took in a first year biology lab. The name of the file was "late prophase Lys". Unfortunately, I can no longer remember what "Lys" means.

Finals are over! Let's not think about them anymore.

I have a story -- nothing anthropomorphic or anything, this is entirely personal:

I return to my room after my shower. As I'm slathering on some lotion, I spot a brown smudge on my bedroom wall. Without my glasses, I can't tell what it is, so I lean in for a closer look.

"Please," I say in my head, "please be a spider."

The shape of the smudge doesn't bode well -- it's a lumpy oval, and spiders are generally a) fairly circular, and b) not too irregular -- and thus, I was mentally prepared for the results of my closer inspection:


I cannot impress upon you how much house centipedes -- and earwigs, and silverfish, and ants -- gross me out. In fact, the only bugs I don't mind are spiders, and they're arachnids so they don't count.

My dislike of house centipedes is a little irrational. They just have so many legs, all different sizes. They are predators, so they should keep the silverfish population down, and I (thank God) have never happened upon a nest of them, so I don't have that disturbing image in my mind. Their legs are just squicky.

Back to this particular house centipede: before I can grab my tablet to snap a picture (for posting on Facebook, with an appropriately witty status update expressing my horror), it starts to move. It slips a little, runs further across the wall, then it promptly falls. It eats the floor. It hits the ground with an audible sound, like someone had dropped a pistachio shell. I'm too grossed out, and too busy applying lotion, to check if it's still alive, but I believe it is.

House centipede, if you're still out there, I ask only three things of you:

1. Never be visible again,

2. Eat all the other insects that want to colonise the apartment, and

3. Don't touch me, and DO NOT lay eggs anywhere near me.

I wish you all the best, and I hope our paths never, EVER cross again.

April 11, 2015

Conspiracy Theories That Are 100% Completely Factual


Fan art, unfortunately. Four members of the cast of 'Carmilla' -- a webseries that honestly isn't the greatest ever, but is still quite entertaining -- as food products.
From left to right: Natasha Negovanlis as an Eggo waffle, Elise Bauman as Baumann's Real Mayonnaise, Kaitlyn Alexander as Kaitlyn Alexander Keith's IPA, and Sharon Belle as Belledog gin.

Here's a list of conspiracy theories that I have personally confirmed to be the pure, unadulterated truth.

1. John F. Kennedy's second shooter was John F. Kennedy's ghost.

2. Paul McCartney is actually dead. John F. Kennedy's ghost has possessed his body. Paul McCartney, more like Jaul F. McKennedy.

3. Area 51 is actually Jaul F. McKennedy's home base. They have to keep the body fresh somehow.

4. All of the above are just a way for our Reptilian Overlords to control us, because Jaul F. McKennedy is still relevant and affects our everyday lives.

5. Conspiracy theorists are just the Illuminati trying to cover their own butts.

666. Because the Beast.

Edit: Also, posts will be on hold for most of April due to finals. After all that's done, I'll hopefully have recharged enough to deliver, oh Five Regular Readers, the quality content you deserve.

Edit 2: Also also, if you haven't read 'The Food Babe Blogger is Full of Shit' yet, you should check it out. There are a couple things about it I want to point out: 1) Some people have criticised it for its (occasional) profanity, but that doesn't mean the author's points aren't correct; 2) Hari's making herself look bad in the face of media backlash at this point, and it's both extremely sad and just a little funny; and 3) you can't reasonably call someone with (at best) nebulous ties to companies making GMOs a "paid shill" when the person you are defending built her own business on a foundation of lies and useless, overpriced juice cleanses.

April 04, 2015



Another illustration that made it into my instruction manual project. This informs children what to avoid when seeking transportation to their runaway hideout.

Apologies for the lateness. If you're free, then I hope you're having a lovely weekend! If not, then I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I have a midterm on Tuesday. Yes, it has been pointed out to me that this is stupid and against university policy. No, I haven't complained. There's nothing I want to deal with less than university administration, except maybe bedbugs. Or tapeworms. Or Ted Cruz.

You get the idea.