February 21, 2015

2 Girls...


If you DID NOT automatically finish the title with "1 Cup", then I congratulate you. You must be ill-acquainted with the Internet, and you are beautiful and shiny and wonderful.

For those who don't know what 2 Girls 1 Cup is, don't Google it until I explain.

Anyway, this isn't going to be about that video. Instead, this is a re-imagining of the many things it could have been (it could have been less viral, that's for sure).

2 Girls 1 Mom
A single mother struggles to raise her daughters in central Wyoming after her husband dies from a perfectly treatable illness that they couldn't afford to treat. At the end of the movie, she too dies from the same perfectly treatable illness, and her daughters go into prostitution. No one cares.

2 Girls 1 Goal
A heartwarming love story set in Whalsay about two teammates on a tiny community football team. Here's the kicker: One of them is straight! How will they get past this AND win the next Shetland Football Cup? Watch and find out!

2 Girls 1 Weight
Two girls with "weight problems"—one morbidly obese at the age of 16, the other anorexic for 3 years running—go on a road trip across Canada... in December! This is a story about them, their friendship, and their journey.

2 Girls 1 Reese's Cup
Do they fight over it? Who wins? Do they split it? Or do they both ignore it because it's unhealthy and they don't want that crap in their bodies? Maybe they'll go to the convenience store and buy more, then watch the other movies on this list!

2 Girls 1 Daughter
Think this will be a fun lesbian porno? Well, you got the lesbian part right. This documents a couple's struggles with raising their daughter and facing a society built by years of misogyny and "traditional values". Rated 'R' for no discernible reason. There isn't even a sex scene.

2 Girls 1 Guy
A hilarious comedy about a slightly pudgy, scruffy-looking guy who's trying to juggle his two gorgeous girlfriends. Somehow, he succeeds, and even manages to wrangle a third girl into his harem. By the end of the movie, all the girls know about each other and are totally okay with it. There are hints of a foursome.

2 Plurals 1 Cup
"Cups," the three year old boy says happily.
"No, no," you say, "there's only one."
"One cup! One!"

2 Girls 1 Anti-Vaxxer
In California, a terribly misinformed parent doesn't vaccinate their daughter, who then becomes friends with an immunocompromised girl. The daughter's eyes are opened to the great disservice her parent did her, but not before her friend dies of a preventable illness.

2 Girls 1 Pup
A sequel to 2 Girls 1 Goal. After a week of dating-for-real, our heroines decide to move in together. Inevitably, their relationship falls apart until the ultimate question remains: Who gets the dog? Eventually, they realise that they really, truly love each other, and they end up back together, exactly where they were at the beginning of the movie, because it's quirky and ironic.

2 Squirrels 1 Nut
A couple of squirrels fight over an acorn.