December 16, 2014

The Beer Jar Pt. 3: Beerdel Test (Mill St. Vanilla Porter)


Grabbed this from the Mill St. Brewery site, since I couldn't find the can after a night of debauchery and drunkenness (D&D).

Another beer, another installment of the Beerdel Test. This time, we will be reviewing the Mill St. Vanilla Porter.

Rules for a good lady beer can be found here.

Mill St. Vanilla Porter

This can is much more appealing to ladies than our last Beerdel test Can-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named: a nice, neutral beige, which is a little passé (it's just SO 2010), but acceptably fashionable; and a proper flower gracing the front, sending a reassuring note to all ladies.

Beware the Trojan Horse, my fellow sistren.

This is a dark stout with vanilla notes that pours a thin, dense head. I could taste the Calories slipping down my throat in that pleasantly buttery way dark stouts do, but I couldn't help continuing to sip it. Before I knew it, I had finished the entire can. A friend - we'll call him Nimrod - saw me finish it and said, "Hey, is that the Mill St. Vanilla Porter? I love that stuff."

The horror! Ladies do not drink beers that Men enjoy! I felt a tingling on my face, and scrambled to the washroom. In the mirror, I could see facial hair growing at an exponential rate, and by the end of the evening, I looked like I belonged on Duck Dynasty.

Mill St. Brewery, your packaging deceived me. I thought your Vanilla Porter would be a passable lady's beer. I even accepted the higher caloric count of a dark stout and looked past the blocky form of the can. In return, it made me grow a magnificent beard.

Proper ladies are advised to avoid this if possible. Recommended for Movember participants and vikings.