December 12, 2014

Exam Break


Some people just have shocking bone structure.

Dear Five Regular Readers,

I am lining up posts before my next block of exams. Stay upright! Unless you're sleeping of course, in which case it's perfectly acceptable to lounge a little.

Regular posts return next Tuesday.

Here I Am

As I walked towards the gym where my latest exam was being held, I thought to myself: Here I am, armed only with my knowledge and a pencil.

"Here I am, armed only with my knowledge and a pencil," said the collection of atoms. The other collection of atoms agreed. They both had a sense of self and truly believed in Ayn Rand, and thus were superior to other collections of atoms. Eventually, they died and were recycled into perfectly harmless hyacinths.

"I am here," he said, "armed only with my knowledge and a pencil." He tossed his cape back, uncovering both his shoulders and their impressive footballer shoulder pads. The pads flexed, ripping their shirts open. "HULK SMASH," they said in unison.

"Here I am, only armed with my knowledge and a pencil," she said. "Are you sure you're only armed with your knowledge and a pencil?" her Translation professor asked. He needed to learn when to turn his neuroses off.

I tried to turn the sentence into Yodish, but it didn't really work out. "Here, I am," said Yoda. "Knowledge and a pencil, I only have." His left ear twitched as he subconsciously registered the pitter-patter of a squirrel's feet. He began to salivate a little. It had been so long...

"Here I am, armed only with my knowledge and a pencil," she said. She pushed the silicone, breast-enlarging pads attached to her jumper out of the way. She was ready to brawl.