September 23, 2014

Conversations With My Parents (But Mainly With My Mum)



Hey.

Didn't have any good screencaps from "Conversations with Dead People", so here's the Cheese Man.
(Also, Tuesday posts seem to be missing original cartoons. School drains the energy from me.)
On with the hard-hitting content.

I present 'Conversations with My Parents', a screenplay.

1.

TORY
                       Hey Mum, look at my hair.


TORY'S MUM
                         (looks at Tory's hair)



TORY
                       It's very enthusiastic today.


TORY'S MUM
                         (noncommittal)
                       Mhm.


TORY
                       I don't want it to be enthusiastic.
                       I want it to stay still and volumi-
                       nous but flat.

                       Like hair.


TORY'S MUM
                         (walks away)



2.

TORY
                       I know you like to think your shit
                       don't stink
                       But lean a little bit closer see
                       Roses really smell like poo poo poo

                       Right Mum?

                       Right?


TORY'S MUM
                       Yes.


TORY
                         (laughs)
                       So you agree?

                       How about you, Dad?


Tory's Dad
                       Yes.



3.

TORY
                       Hey Mum, are you like tofu?


TORY'S MUM
                         (reading newspaper)
                       Not all the time.

TORY
                       No, not 'Do you like tofu', I'm 
                       asking 'Are you like tofu?'


TORY'S MUM
                         (still reading newspaper)
                       No, only sometimes.


TORY
                       Are we talking about the same thing?


TORY'S MUM
                         (Puts newspaper down)
                       Yes.


TORY
                       What do you mean 'sometimes'?


TORY'S MUM
                       It's the texture.


TORY
                       No, I mean, if I poke you, will
                       you break?

                         (pokes Mum)


TORY'S MUM
                       No.
                       
                         (blinks as connections are made)

                       But if you poke tofu, it'll break.


TORY
                         (mollified)
                       Exactly.